Eli at the Yalta Summit.
I don’t know why he starts with a fake black person, when the Boondocks aptly noted that white people love cheese
however i am glad that he mentions benjamins credentials because any white people in a story about cheese shouldve won an award ideally
“The man also looks familiar, like most artists in Colorado. Almost exactly like a Village Voice writer in whose periphery Benjamin has been wandering for a couple of years now.”
I mean, Colorado artists?
I can’t have goat cheese, I get really sick.
One time, in Atlanta, we went to this pizza place and they put 800 types of cheese on our pizza. I didn’t realize this. About thirty minutes later I ran out of the restaurant and threw up. Then I laid on the sidewalk because my brother and family were just like, ‘eh, she’ll be fine until we finish.’
also i like that the lactose intolerance casts a kind of Freudian pall over the story, like it is signifying some deep seated anal retentiveness
I don’t believe this story would fare well with the tea party crowd
like, the village voice is a communist publication
and then what kind of American vomits from pizza?
“But of course, Benjamin would write the same story. Would laugh courteously on Sunday, at appropriate moments, whilst Mooney downed pitchers and steaks and regaled a girl from the Dallas Business Journal at the shopping center not quite within walking distance from the Hilton.”
wait, who is Mooney? And why is he walking distance from Hitler?
the lesbian pretending to be a SRS WRITAR is not as on overused trope as the boring white dude
also the dreams of vigorous sex would become realized
there’d be no couponning
they would rub themselves down with cash and cheese
it would actually just be Benjamin getting a tip drill from Francine
since that’s what’s at the core of this story
like it’s about a man who just wants to swipe a credit card down a girl’s ass crack
like saying, “it must be your ass, because it ain’t your face” is very confusing to me
i mean, i am quoting lyrics from memory, but what ‘face’ are we really talking about?
and when you swipe a credit card between ass cheeks, what are you REALLY saying?
that’s what she’s worried about
I’m telling you
luring people to her subaru
and everyone knows poets are slutty
why else would they be luring people to subaru’s
uhhh i didnt mean to use an apostrophe there
no, i got an update. it is irrelevant now, but this:
“Reckless; hysterical; much fortune telling. This is what Benjamin records later, in his notebook, on the trail to Emerald Lake.”
He has so many diaries because of his allergy to dairies
kelley: hang on let me see why i can’t get it to stay in form
even if i save as rtf
it gets messed up
but i sort of like how it looks
Mark: does it have a bunch of parentheses in it
that’s what happened to me when i tried pasting it
kelley: no, there are like no spaces between words
Mark: yeah in my case it replaced the spaces with closed parentheses
Mark: the lack of spaces makes me think of lilith fair
kelley: somewhere in those nonspaces lies Sarah McLachlan
Mark: that is the placenta canyon
which i thought said placenta cannon at first
kelley: i am not even there yet
i am still on ‘tragedy’
Mark: oh it doesnt say placenta
you are always on tragedy
you are sophocles
kelley: are you reading the same poem or are you reading about bathtub birthing
Mark: i am imagining this as explosive tub birth
at lilith fair
its like that william burroughs book
kelley: by the road direct someone to somewhere i imagine? that line? i thought she did a merge of the words ‘lime’ and ‘imagine’
wasn’t he in drugstore cowboy
Mark: who wasn’t
kelley: tv baby shot me
Mark: tv tub birth
kelley: ‘shinnotes’ = a new kind of clog
Mark: is she talking about whole foods
kelley: i was born in a television
Mark: i think this poem is about whole foods
kelley: they don’t have those here
Mark: they have half foods
kelley: you cannot buy sex toys or whole food
Mark: everything is a sex toy in alabama
kelley: every nonhuman thing
Mark: even some human things
kelley: oh i see where you thought you saw ‘placenta’
Mark: why else do you think they aren’t pro choice
sex toy placenta tub birth
i am becoming a spam email
kelley: you are DCCC generated emails
Mark: i had an obama person come to my door the other day
kelley: you told me
Mark: she wouldnt leave
the world needs to know
she kept insinuating that the campaign office had good drugs
kelley: which tier
Mark: and her boobs were everywhere
kelley: as in ‘Total Recall’ mars mutant triple boobs?
Mark: janet jackson at the super bowl
kelley: or just… not strapped in
so JT showed up?
Mark: her dog was JT
kelley: if JT showed up at my door and mentioned a surplus of drugs in the white house
Mark: everyone here is really big on horticulture, she pointed out
kelley: everyone here is really big on genital herpes
Mark: yesterday is a really big theme of this poem
kelley: jovial herpes
Mark: it is like a fleetwood mac song
kelley: guns n roses
Mark: slash giving tub birth in the whole foods
while sarah mclaughlin reads a spam email
kelley: ‘indoorwild’ = into the wild = sean penn = pearl jam
she doesn’t read
Mark: not everything is about school violence kelley
kelley: she just makes commericals about abused dogs
not everything is about eating bad shrooms, mark
Mark: tell that to my gas
kelley: we are discussing the mouse in our kitchen
Mark: everyone has a mouse
kelley: mice are the equivalent to the apartment as pigeons are to a city
mice are the pigeon of the abode
kelley: or the pigeon of your dealing
i mean dwelling
‘they only take what they need’
‘they are good cleaners’
Mark: sounds racist to me
next he’s going to tell you that he wishes his dad was mexican
so he could get more votes
kelley: basically, we are going to let the mouse continue shitting on our stove top
Mon Feb 8 04:47:13 2010
I went to sudbury fight. Like a company
I am going to interject right now and say that in my dream Brad thinks I am Dennis Hopper in ‘Apocalypse Now.’ You know, my regular personality? and that may be true, but we should have spent a lot more time focusing on Dennis Hopper when we were writing our book. Also, if Brad is going to be in my dreams, he better be naked.
I’m gonna go ahead and say I’m having a really good day and that I love everyone. Especially brad. And brad’s naked beard.
Do you remember when I had ALL of Brad’s sweatpants? AT ONCE! And when he put on my jeans? I learned so much about poetry that year.
I think we all did.
of indians were got near home, and hoped for their
music. Being called to answer to this
narrative, says he, tho offering to shew
in a manner at an end, so that perhaps there are
many things which they had not power to stir
hand or foot, which was a delusion, and than
that moment to end my own miserable
life. A severe and proud dame she was under a false
notion of fascination by the court a
wonderful compulsion in it; what with the first
label removed, under many trials
I think Cotton was OCD and worried about VD even though he didn’t know about VD. I think Cotton got the indigenous peoples all mixed up with his OCD and VD fears.
That’s an interesting theory. Yesterday for some reason I told my mom I had to get an STD test and she asked me why and said, “that’s how people date now” and she said, “so you’re dating?” and then I just pretended I was David Caruso for like 15 minutes.
I am really proud of you! Did you have sunglasses? Did you have a one-liner?
Of course! Except that my sunglasses have that wrap-around thing going on so it wasn’t quite as smooth as I would have like it to be. Mostly I just ended everything I said with “…’Til now.”
and afflictions, whose games are mighty kingdoms?
After the enemy is manifest.
Cotton M, Cotton
Mary Rowlandson, Narrative of the Captivity and Restoration of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson
Sat Nov 13 13:06:14 2010
And in the animal. I think I will study
it, always fresh, always at the time that has brought, and
not rise, as it went closer. The thoughts of all
the company round him in his first
pastoral, tho tis so very cold,
the raven can go on. I had rather wince
What if I took Brad’s poetry, switched the line order, and mailed it to him as my own, with a wedding invitation? With my name and his name as the people getting married. Would that freak him out?
I can’t imagine that would freak him out any more than the life-size cardboard stand-up of him you keep in your bathroom.
That cardboard cut-out listens to me when I am sobbing in the bathtub while eating Chips Ahoy!
Um… so does the real Brad.
than die. He had unhappily
reflected on that simpler line
of this class there is immortality, who works and
buys, is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed in
the little mistake, and when, either with the
definitive collapse of the company of sheep
torn by wolves, all and several become wealthy by
Do you have any idea how obsessed I was with Jack London? How I wanted to move to the Yukon to get stranded and have a pack of wolves live with me? Do you realize what Kevin Costner did to my imagery by having an 8 hour movie where he shits on everything? Did I spell his last name right?
Kevin Costner is an incredibly tan man, you know? But I appreciate that his head has not spread in a John Travolta / Leo DiCaprio way.
Oh man… I want Brad to rap this on his next album. I will buy him a new bike helmet if he does.
He is tan. He would fit in with the girls here. But. He appropriates. I hate him. I wish his face would spread.
trading at the revelations.
Emily Dickinson, Dickinson-Higginson Letters
Mary Rowlandson, Narrative of the Captivity and Restoration of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson
Gray, Natures Miracles
Holbrook, Book of Nature Myths
Purney, Full Enquiry into Pastoral
Unknown, Nature of Peace
This Is Major Tom To Ground Control
Major Tom–Dan Bailey
Ground Control–Crane Giamo
open with Ground Control. in a boiler room warehouse basement.
The boiler room was the only place Jordan Catalano would take Angela.
Jared Leto? “My So-Called Life?” Rayanne told Angela she was “not ready for the boiler room.” I just want to know where all these high schools get boiler rooms for kids to do illicit things. We just had the parking lot.
we didn’t have a boiler room. but we must have had some kind of storage area because we had these dead cats for anatomy class. like in boxes. i don’t think I would’ve taken a girl to the dead-cat-storage area though. even if she was a goth.
industrial, dark, sterile, pipes. Ground Control wears a suit a tie a gas mask. at a desk with an outdated monitor. dot matrix paper. works aimlessly. departs room. misses the red blinking light on the telephone indicating that Major Tom has attempted to connect with Ground Control from outer space [filmed in black and white, otherwise silent, maybe a boiler room type drone]
I get the feeling Major Tom is needy. At first, I read that as Major Torn – and I thought we were going to get to read erotica.
Oh man we should do some erotica up in here. if I was gonna write an erotical piece I would have the main character be called “captain hipster beard”. He would drive a chevy nova and have a band called Meet My Moustache.
camera close up on a photograph of planet earth taken from outer space. camera shakes violently to give the impression that the earth is having an epileptic seizure. all at once the shaking stops. then dark. then there is some noise music. music stops. stops in sync with the visual. [color comes in, tarkovsky like]
Is this a National Geographic type photo of the Earth?
I think it should be a kid’s drawing of Earth.
I think it should just be Will Smith in “Independence Day” punching an alien on a loop.
I tried to watch “I-Robot” last night but the dvd was all fucked up. I did get to see will smith in the shower because for some reason his character didn’t have a shower curtain. Like maybe in the future they don’t use shower curtains. But I think they might have to… even in 2035 people are still gonna have downstairs neighbors.
That’s a really good name for a chapbook. “Even in 2035 People Still Have Downstairs Neighbors”.
very slow fade in from deep space to Major Tom walking through sand dunes [now in black and white, panoramic shot]
I bet Major Torn is all sex appeal. Major Torn is all oily and greased up and sand clings to his skin, but never touches his face.
I didn’t really see him shirtless… way to go, hetero.
hitchhiking [still black and white]
Last time I picked up hitchhikers… they were trying to get to a Phish concert. I’ve never felt more threatened in my life.
They should make more movies about hitchhikers. They should make a musical about hitchhikers. Wait I think that’s the plot of “Hair”.
I think this play is really romantic.
scenes of the horizon, agriculture, fields, wind turbines, foothills, mountains, cows, hawks on fences, wilted flowers, creeks, railroads
Why are the flowers wilted? Is it hot? Everything else seems to exist as it, right? But the flowers are suffering. Is this a political ad?
See now I am kind of picturing Major Torn as played by Al Gore… and thanks to you he’s shirtless. So shit’s getting weird in my headspace.
No! He is wearing a camo vest without a shirt. Like in 80’s movies. I can’t even believe you brought up Al Gore.
a bathtub in a field. underwater in an ice bath [overhead shot, close up of Major Tom’s submerged face with a calm expression]. wooden desk upon which are a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Major Tom reaches for the cigarettes. lights one. [having second thoughts on the cigarette might seem too rockstar. okay what about a stogie or a popsicle? ice cream cone?]
If the Major can smoke or eat while submerged in a bathtub, he has my vote for president. I can’t even get cigarettes to stay lit when it is raining outside.
Al Gore would not smoke in a field. But I think he’d totally eat a Popsicle in a bathtub. While listening to Adele.
You mean Brenda Carlisle.
It’s Brandi Carlile. And, yes, al gore would listen to brandi carlile in the bathtub.
at a payphone at a highway rest stop. lover recently deceased [flash to tombstone? other ways to convey this death? we need to buy plastic body bags]
You know how movies always have that deep voice over during the trailer? This movie’s voice over should just say, “We need to buy plastic body bags” on repeat while random scenes flash. The trailer should be longer than the movie.
I couldn’t agree more. Maybe we should make trailers. I’ve actually always wanted to make trailers.
You know how trailers these days cut into rapid-sequence scenes with like one huge word… like (field) “WE” (tub faucet) “NEED” (outer space) “PLASTIC” (random wet alien face) “BODYBAGS” (explosion) “in theaters summer 2012”.
Do you think these guys will let us make their trailer?
If I present myself as the ginger from CSI Miami and do a stare down? With sunglasses? They will.
home is an abandoned, whitewashed trailer. walks to a spot above the river where Ground Control will later burn Major Tom’s silver suit in a fire]
Offended by the white trash trailer.
Home really is an abandoned white trash trailer. If you think about it.
Offended by lack of funds.
You know what I hate? When people say “ATM machine.” That’s just stupid.
buying a shovel and rope [still dusk]
Dusk never lasts long: they must be in the desert. Go check that shit, make sure they are in the desert.
Pretty sure they’re in Kansas.
Great great great great band. Almost as good as that Mustache band you mentioned which doesn’t exist.
mexican dive bar. live band. stobelights. empty dance floor
Do you remember that bar in Fort Collins which was exactly like this? And they charged about seventeen dollars for a Corona?
They had dog bowls instead of ashtrays. But they also has a kickin mariachi band and they really wanted us to come back for karaoke. Well… I don’t think the bartender wanted us to come back for karaoke. Or the old guys at the other end of the bar.
walking down the road with a shovel and rope [then night, watching stars, satellites]
See? Desert. Not Kansas. I totally did this while living in Nevada, except I was watching for police.
It’s actually always been a dream of mine to walk around the desert of Nevada carrying a shovel and a rope and a child’s drawing of the earth.
graveyard. the grave of the deceased lover. simple unmarked tombstone
Tombstones are really expensive. Each letter? I want my tombstone to read SIMPLE UNMARKED TOMBSTONE.
I want my tombstone to say “we need to talk.”
first failed suicide attempt. hangs the rope from a tree limb directly above the tombstone. stands on the unmarked tombstone and ties a noose. shifts feet from beneath the tombstone. falls. cuts to a body bag act of necrophilia in the grave
The torn Major falls into an orifice? That’s what I say when I “accidentally” fondle someone under a table: “This is my first failed suicide attempt.”
I tried that on a bus. Black eye. That’s all I’m gonna say.
departing the graveyard. “the world is perfect the way it is”
Necrophilia releases endorphins and makes you want to live, you know?
I don’t get necrophilia. It just seems really clammy. Like actually clammy.
[now light is arriving] a church pew. an empty church. go to the bathroom to shave.
do a haircut. brush and floss.
If it is a dry shave = suicidal again = watch the movie ‘Predator’ to understand this.
That’s a really great place to do that. You know how most movies show some guy who’s probably Harrison ford cutting his hair in a nasty gas station bathroom? I just never understood why it had to be a nasty gas station bathroom. And also whenever I go into nasty gas station bathrooms I always check for hair dye now. You know… for fugitives.
alleyway. a stray dog. “love what you can”
At some point Al Gore is going to have to decide between necrophilia and bestiality.
I bet he lectures the dog and then gives it a flower. That’s how Al rolls. And that’s why I voted for him. Twice.
Way to rub salt in the wound of every paraplegic. And paralegal.
This is exactly what my calendar says. “Walking: Moderate. 35 minutes.” I’m trying to work up to running without blowing out my knee (like some people) (who are you).
second failed suicide attempt. mid-morning at a dumpster. a canister of antifreeze. consume it and vomit. fall asleep.
I knew this dude who threatened to kill stray cats with antifreeze. I called his mom.
I love the word “canister” but I want it to be “canister of biscuits” because that would be a great suicide attempt. Only I mean british biscuits. Like cookies. Not southern biscuits, which would actually kill you.
a dream. underwater human birth with dolphins. a rocket launch
Antifreeze makes really wonderful things happen. So does suicide attempts. I understand Sylvia Plath.
Here’s the thing… there’s been a lot of underwater human birth imagery this year. I’ve drawn a lot of weird underwater human birth illustrations this year. So I see a pattern here.
[here we need an ending]
This should have been the ending to every comic book / superhero – turned movie. ever. made.
This is how all my fiction ends. Sometimes I also write “god stop writing fiction, stupid.”
Zach has a book coming out by the way: http://deletepress.org/
A bug flew into my coffee and I just woke up.
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Zach Keebaugh
Date: Tue, Sep 23, 2008 at 2:56 AM
Subject: dearest gila
the poem, hitherto untitled, may henceforth be referenced by those first stark words: “dearest gila.” it continues, “hey it’s zach. we had a brief correspondence on myspace a while ago. i really liked it; it was charming and no one had to explain any jokes. sorry if it’s annoying that i’m writing almost this entire thing in quotation marks. obviously an explanation is due; the truth is i enjoy inscribing my voice in some ‘other’ mode of communicating. i’m actually too tired to do this right now; so i will resign myself to speaking through the ‘reduced authentic’ voice — but not without putting it into quotation marks. of course they (the upside-down semi-colons or whatever) are also a defense mechanism, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a bad-ass party in here. it’s like speaking through a fan underwater. this email is just going to sit and fucking chill in these quotation marks.
i lost it at “bad-ass party” because i was thinking of a cartoon machine with sharp teeth for some reason.
I was wondering how often I use quotation marks, and I realized that whenever I am emailing a supervisor? I will start putting quotes around certain phrases to show I am being playful/sarcastic. Why would I do that with a supervisor? They don’t really like me anyway – especially here.
i’m one of those people who use air quotes. that makes me a horrible person, actually. i mean it would be less annoying if every time i was quoting something i just bit the person i was speaking to.
Biting people is a new pandemic. I have to go clean the green ooze out of my dog’s eyes (allergies).
i was just emailing somebody in virginia about your dog’s allergies. i don’t know why i specified virginia. that seems completely irrelevant.
Well, that is a completely irrelevant state. We need to go smoke and talk about what your “friend” said about my dog.
with those mermaids from ‘driving miss daisy’ fanning it and with jimmy buffet in the background but not ‘margaritaville’, the one about the cheeseburgers, ‘cheeseburger in paradise’, and all the wonders of the ocean are benign and at your mercy, like the eyes of the lobsters and crabs are all cartoony and the octopuses and squids all have minnie mouse eyelashes and all the things with eyes too scary to switch up, or would just be scary with any pair of eyes, and especially with no eyes, are just somewhere else waiting to be summoned in the ghostly improbable event of an attack.
Were mermaids in ‘Driving Miss Daisy?’ How did I miss that?! Was it because that movie was all, ‘Oh, racism is cool if you LOVE the African American driver, but you just never tell him.”
well morgan freeman is a kind of mermaid. seriously. he was in “robin hood: prince of thieves” with kevin costner who was a kind of fish-man in “waterworld”. ergo… mermaid.
Oh, okay, but mermaids are sticky for me. And not just from all the ejaculate, but because my mom would have me go in a room, put on ‘The Little Mermaid,’ and turn it up loud so I couldn’t hear her trying throwing plates in the kitchen. It is all trauma.
i just remember when ariel comes up out of the water at some point and there was an appalling lack of breast bounce.
I would have taken the kingdom, she wanted to be domestic and wear a wedding dress (kind of like ALL the people we know).
2. what is your favorite thing? this is a hard question to answer; however, i do know what my favorite thing is, but sometimes it just isn’t in the foreground of my consciousness, so sometimes i wouldn’t be able to answer this question as well. in those cases, i would say “sleep” which is also what my father would say, and i honestly have no problem with that. but definitely, my favorite thing is “charles fourier.” so i would like to know what your favorite thing is and if you like charles fourier.
I mean, number 1 had to do with dolphins, but then I just thought about ‘Waterworld’ and yeah, you said he was a fish-man, but you’ve also pointed out his “gills” looked like vaginas behind his ears.
if you actually had vaginas behind your ears “earmuffs” would mean something entirely different.
So, I am now rethinking vagina ears, but I had to look up the name Fourier (because I don’t know anything) and I thought it had to do with frotteurism, but Wiki tells me he coined the term feminism. Okay, that’s a funny mix up, but how can a dude come up with feminism? But after reading about Fourier and frotteur-izing the couch… I think Charles was awesome.
Also, I would have appreciated a conversation like this in 2008, but not 2007, so I think timing is everything.
the thing is… were i a young man… now is the time in my life when i would sport a prosperous beard. and it would be irresistible.
I’m just looking at Zach and thinking of taking off that winter hat and going full “earmuff” on him.