Tag Archives: Facebook

Fox News: Defenders of your hymens

marriage

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/14/staying-celibate-before-marriage-was-best-thing-ive-ever-done/

 

 

Sunshine posted to Kelley
i just read that article about waiting until the wedding night aaaanddd… it aroused me.
  • Kelley  I think he called me a whore.
  • Sunshine it’s not your fault you and your partner aren’t allowed to be married in Alabama.
  • Sunshine it’s god’s law.
  • Kelley  I think he said we are the ruin of marriage. Because God loves a good reception without alcohol or dancing.
  • Kelley  Basically, God is John Lithgow in Footloose before Lithgow was okay with his daughter getting boned by Kevin Bacon.
  • Sunshine  that didn’t work in Foot Loose…oh my god. great minds.
  • Kelley God was like, “you had me at ‘king david did it'”
  • Sunshine  except i spelled Footloose like Foot Locker.
  • Kelley  well, the movie was pretty much a two hour commercial for Foot Locker.
  • Kelley  and gymnastics
  • Sunshine  i also liked the part where he seemed to indicate that if your new spouse sleeps in, you’re going to hell.
  • Kelley  and tractor races
  • Sunshine  and kurt vonnegut.
  • Kelley  the author’s naive, little threshold wife didn’t understand what ‘sleeping in’ meant. She and her hymen of supreme light thought the OTHER wife was you know, an early riser
  • Kelley  does that mean fox news hates schenectady, ny?
  • Sunshine Hymen of Supreme Light.
  • Sunshine  no but god does.
  • Kelley That’s what I called mine until Kotex stole it.
  • Sunshine i ran a bike into a cattle fence. COLORADO STYLE! yeah
  • Kelley God loves Schenectady. Why else would he send GE and ALCO to…nevermind
  • Sunshine that word looks like “shenakedlady”
  • Sunshine god doesn’t like that.
  • Kelley No, those are the Native Americans that the Dutch massacred. They no longer exist.
  • Sunshine god doesn’t like any of those either.
  • Sunshine especially the dutch.
  • Sunshine that’s why whenever you use the term “you’re in dutch!” god laughs and submerges a small island.
  • Kelley is that why Schenaynay went up in flames when the French and Native Americans attacked? Because god hates the name van Curler?
  • Kelley  let’s bring this back to hymens… it is less politically charged
  • Sunshine god hates all vans and anything to do with curlers. just look at “sleepaway camp”
  • Sunshine  ooh i just did accidentally, huh?
  • Kelley you did! shadow puppets!
  • Kelley although I don’t think she had a hymen at that point.
  • Kelley She was very unkind to transgender people.
  • Sunshine  was that M-E-G Meg?
  • Kelley  Meg got hers in the shower, Judy got it with the curler. Arent Van Curler, the founder of Schenectady….
  • Sunshine  were you aware that there are like three sequels? and i just can’t wrap my head around how that’s possible.
  • Sunshine and my god i wish my first name was “arent”
  • Kelley I will not participate in any sequels to that movie
  • Sunshine i refuse to even acknowledge them other than my previous acknowledgement
  • Sunshine  “Arent, you gonna eat that?” “Arent, you going to the store?”
  • Kelley even that was too much. too assertive. too nontraditional. too sleeping in the day after your wedding while your bride breakfasts by herself next to two judgmental twats…
  • Kelley slow down on the puns before i marry you off to dave.
  • Sunshine  “Arent, you gonna have pre-marital sex?”
  • Kelley ^ i’m amazing
  • Sunshine dave won’t have me no mo.
  • Kelley arent you going to pretend you didn’t fingerbang your high school girlfriend?
  • Kelley is it because of the bicycle incident?
  • Sunshine ummmm… i think it’s cuz i read stuff.
  • Sunshine not 100% sure about that.
  • Kelley  it is like this girl i knew one time, she wouldn’t shack up with me because i pointed out things.
  • Kelley she wasn’t a hymen hoarder though
  • Sunshine  that sounds really gross.
  • Kelley  it is good for anemia.
  • Sunshine you know what else is good for anemia? weddings.
  • Kelley early breakfasts with the dew of newly approved vows upon one’s brow
  • Kelley  to honor and obey tattooed on the woman’s flank
  • Sunshine  that’s a good poem.
  • Sunshine the last three lines.
  • Kelley it’d be a tribute to TLC
  • Sunshine  i just looked up the word “nonpareil” because you said “nonperson.” i thought it was a candy. i was wrong.
  • Kelley is it an umbrella? a live-in nanny?
  • Kelley are they the same thing?
  • Sunshine  oh it IS a candy! but also “without equal.” and yes… an umbrella and a live-in nanny are, in fact, the same thing.
  • Kelley  a candy without equal? that’s racist.
  • Sunshine  it’s french or something.
  • Kelley  that makes me want to watch Clue
  • Sunshine that analysis of Legend made me want to watch Clue. and also love Tim Curry more than i ever thought possible.
  • Sunshine  Tim Curry is nonpareil.
  • Kelley  I KNOW
  • Kelley  TRUTH
    i am here for you

    Come get some


You will need to Google seach “Tip Drill” on YouTube and watch Nelly’s video to fully understand

  • Mark

    I don’t know why he starts with a fake black person, when the Boondocks aptly noted that white people love cheese

    however i am glad that he mentions benjamins credentials because any white people in a story about cheese shouldve won an award ideally

  • Kelley

    “The man also looks familiar, like most artists in Colorado. Almost exactly like a Village Voice writer in whose periphery Benjamin has been wandering for a couple of years now.”

    I mean, Colorado artists?
    Elaborate.

    I can’t have goat cheese, I get really sick.

  • Kelley

    One time, in Atlanta, we went to this pizza place and they put 800 types of cheese on our pizza. I didn’t realize this. About thirty minutes later I ran out of the restaurant and threw up. Then I laid on the sidewalk because my brother and family were just like, ‘eh, she’ll be fine until we finish.’

  • Mark

    also i like that the lactose intolerance casts a kind of Freudian pall over the story, like it is signifying some deep seated anal retentiveness

    I don’t believe this story would fare well with the tea party crowd

    like, the village voice is a communist publication

    and then what kind of American vomits from pizza?

  • Kelley

    “But of course, Benjamin would write the same story. Would laugh courteously on Sunday, at appropriate moments, whilst Mooney downed pitchers and steaks and regaled a girl from the Dallas Business Journal at the shopping center not quite within walking distance from the Hilton.”

    wait, who is Mooney? And why is he walking distance from Hitler?

  • Mark

    Mooney is the fake black guy

    from the beginning

  • Kelley

    THERE WERE 800 TYPES OF CHEESE ON THE PIZZA

  • Mark

    who films other black guys

    he’s the story’s Sidney Poitier

  • Kelley

    So Mooney is going with the two other people to sell cheese in a traffic jam?

  • Mark

    Do you see what I’m saying? He subverts the whole “only white people love cheese” trope. this story is courageous. it’s like the color purple but replace vaginas with Camembert

  • Kelley

    I’m so confused. Homeless, shoeless men? What kind of marketplace is this?

  • Mark

    An exclamatory kind

  • Kelley

    “Francine, an inconsolable poet, has begun selling cheese out of her Subaru.”

    That is my alter ego right there. An inconsolable poet who sells cheese. I wish I had a Subaru.

  • Mark

    “Fuck!”

  • Kelley

    did you just “vigorous”ly sex yourself?

  • Mark

    That sounds like the beginning of a porno

    I would make a porn version of this story

    They’d both be lesbians in my version

  • Kelley

    ““cheesemonger.” The various social networks made it so.”

    this is how it would open hopefully

  • Mark

    the lesbian pretending to be a SRS WRITAR is not as on overused trope as the boring white dude

    also the dreams of vigorous sex would become realized

    there’d be no couponning

    they would rub themselves down with cash and cheese

  • Kelley

    I just had to yell at someone… I am back

  • Mark

    it would actually just be Benjamin getting a tip drill from Francine

    since that’s what’s at the core of this story

    like it’s about a man who just wants to swipe a credit card down a girl’s ass crack

  • Kelley

    that is the most beautiful music video ever made

  • Mark

    presumably to pay for the cheese he’s going to vomit up

  • Kelley

    there is no cheese in that video. the money being tossed around is the metaphorical ‘cheese’

  • Mark

    exactly

    this story is too brave for that

    it deals with cheese directly

  • Kelley

    what if this was the whole story, “But he’s getting carried away with the parentheticals. None of this is important now. ”

  • Mark

    not some abstract notion we pin to the idea of cheese

  • Kelley

    right right… rap videos about strippers are really vague. I need more concrete language

  • Mark

    yeah this one even has dictionary definitions

    what is more concrete than that

  • Kelley

    like saying, “it must be your ass, because it ain’t your face” is very confusing to me

    i mean, i am quoting lyrics from memory, but what ‘face’ are we really talking about?

    and when you swipe a credit card between ass cheeks, what are you REALLY saying?

  • Mark

    you’re saying “this cheese is mine”

    in both the money way

    and, as this story points out, the literal way

  • Kelley

    it is really tackling some literary hurdles

    “Francine goes livid, pounding her thin wrists against as much Japanese molding as her arms can reach.”

    What is this about Japan’s mold?

  • Mark

    well, you know, that whole fukushima thing

    the mold is radioactive now

    what if swamp thing becomes a reality?

  • Kelley

    you probably shouldn’t pound it then… this really is a porn.

  • Mark

    that’s what she’s worried about

    I’m telling you

    luring people to her subaru

    and everyone knows poets are slutty

    why else would they be luring people to subaru’s

    uhhh i didnt mean to use an apostrophe there

  • Kelley

    if swamp thing became a reality, it’d be a hard-hitting journalist

  • Mark

    that’s what happened to andrew breitbart

  • Kelley

    poets are huge sluts, i should know… i slutted it up five minutes ago

  • Mark

    he didn’t die, he just went back to the swamp

  • Kelley

    that is on his tombstone

  • Mark

    pizza

    which is also his tombstone

  • Kelley

    never get the kind with ‘every’ cheese on it.
    a stomach cannot handle it.

  • Mark

    since swamp thing journalists die from eating 9000 cheese pizza

  • Kelley

    speaking of swampy

  • Mark

    ?

    organ solos?

  • Kelley

    no, i got an update. it is irrelevant now, but this:

    “Reckless; hysterical; much fortune telling. This is what Benjamin records later, in his notebook, on the trail to Emerald Lake.”

    He has so many diaries because of his allergy to dairies

  • Mark

    imagine if this story was set to “in a gadda da vida”

  • Kelley

    see what i did there? as a slut poet?

  • Mark

    yeah it wouldve gone great to iron butterfly too

  • Kelley

    i thought the song was, ‘Andy got a new diva baby’

  • Mark

    because that’s a vagina reference

  • Kelley

    it is really important for me to talk about vaginas at least once a week

  • Mark

    what if this whole story is a metaphor for yeast infections

  • Kelley

    wear more cotton

    eat yogurt

    wait though, where is mooney? did mooney exist? i don’t understand anything.

  • Mark

    synthetic panties give you cheese vagina

    that should be the title of this story

  • Mark

    synthetic panties give you cheese vagina: a mashup of tip drill and in a gadda da vida

     


A discussion about Facebook. With posts omitted to cause extra confusion.

Didn’t you once have a post about losing friends on Facebook and not knowing why? Was that you? Because…well, it is sharing time.


  • mainly… dips occur because of topics such as, detergent porn, promotion of friends’ videos/books, mocking states, talks about cannibalism, and many more
    • wait wait wait, i need an explanation of “detergent porn”

    • it spiraled from a picture I posted of my internet not working. the site was a softerworld or something? i immediately talked about porn, someone else snowballed it, and honestly, i think it should exist.

    • Update on depletion: mentioning that purchasing vibrators in Alabama is illegal.

    • Again: pictures of Hitler pregnant

    • please never let this thread die.
      I have to scroll all over the place to find it. And by all over the place – I just mean keep hitting the scroll bar. It actually isn’t that difficult. Or maybe it is. No, it isn’t.
    • calling Captain America a ‘lame virgin’ / referencing James Spader too many times (which is actually impossible) / admission of paranoia over camera on laptop when your laptop does not have a camera
    • THAT LAST ONE IS THE GREATEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SAID

    • reiterating the Sherls: please never let this thread die.

    • you should hear the things i say out loud. then, i have to shout, “my therapist says i am an EXTERNAL PROCESSOR! it isnt my fault.”

    • i lost another friend today. i wouldn’t have noticed but my friend count was at 375 & you don’t forget a number like 375 (sounds like a highway, yo)

      Like
    • see, this thread is kind of becoming my blog. i have categories where i put everyone based on places i’ve lived. then, a category called ‘writerly’ – i only get sassy if i lose a writerly or close friend. also, im at work (at a community college) and someone just told me to get off my phone. how dare!

    • you don’t need disloyal friends

    • i worked at a community college & i texted during class.
      {     }, how dare!

    • I’ve been exiled to Alabama. These are difficult times.

      Like
    • my parents’ kitchen table is my desk. I UNDERSTAND.

    • there isn’t even a bus in a 10-mile radius of this place. I UNDERSTAND TOO

    • oh my god. we all share so many FEELINGS. so when i tell you that i overheard the conversation, “well, like math, right? totally cater to the chinese students. and we don’t even get the GOOD chinese, because those chinese stay in china.” you guys get me? you understand the look on my face?

    • another reason for count drop could be the picture the band ‘Boston’ which I put up on a thread (btw)

    • HOLY SHIT

      Like
    • It is because we studied Poetry.

    • ‎^ that one
    • those will be my dying words. though i might type them to guarantee Poetry not poetry.

    • and because when I saw Alice Notley read, and heard her say, “You cum / I win” – I completely levitated from my chair.

      Like
    • my tombstone: “BRBMFers”

      Like
    • i levitate every time that happens in real life

    • i just discovered my ‘Heroes’ DVDs (seasons 1 & 2 only) work on my player despite being wrong region and i levitated a little bit. in one area.

      Like
    • If I had a penis – I’d make sure to levitate all over the place. Grocery stores, dog parks, Target… wherever.

    • i’m a constant levitation

      Like
    • you’re Leviathan

      Like
    • brings a whole new nomadic dimension to the phrase ‘wherever i hang my hat i’m home’, don’t it.

    • gonna get that tattooed on my stomach all THUG LIFE like

    • i was thinking if you needed somewhere to hang your dry cleaning…

    • i tend to keep dry-clean only garments at a remove from the Leviathan. also, {     }, as a reader of all your inked things, i’mma veto that right now.


Thread discussions: clip from GLADIATOR

I just reenacted this scene. No one knew what I was doing. Neither did I. Maybe it is because I threw a stick instead of a sword?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FsqJFIJ5lLs

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsqJFIJ5lLs

Like · · Share
    • would’ve paid to see this.

    • Hope you were wearing some version of that outfit

    • love that movie. You can come reenact it for us 🙂

  • did you do this at the dog park? because… god i hope you did this at the dog park.

  • at the dog park? I have been talking to Trotsky about exile and Stalin, but she just ignores me. This was something totally different.

  • kells, you know you’ve been talking to your dog about the Roman Empire. all. the. time.

  • also i watched a documentary on the dark ages last night and… i gotta say… booooring.

  • We’ve moved on. She gets it. Now, we’ve moved on to the Permanent Revolution.

  • she only understands your permanent wave.

  • i like to yell “This! Is! Sparta!” and shove my cat into the bathtub.

  • We don’t have enough bronzer to do all the things we need to do in public.

  • yesterday all started with a party, a dog walk, me wearing a WVU shirt, and a discussion about Alabama vs. WV in terms of “backwards.”

 


More threads. This is about ‘November Rain.’ Three people.

[     ] posted to [     ]
[     ] DOESN’T REMEMBER THE NOVEMBER RAIN MUSIC VIDEO!!!!!!
I MADE HER YOUTUBE IT RIGHT AWAY WTF
Like ·

 

    • i think i blocked that from my memory.

      8 hours ago · Like
    • HOW DARE! did you not see Slash storm out of the church and do an angry guitar solo because he love axl that much even though mr. rose beats women, especially supermodels… and at one point Slash does a little hip swivel on the piano while axl is playing and i don’t even know if i am spelling axl’s name right but it doesn’t matter because he got cornrows and botox, but the real point is that Slash is more of a gay than you are. BOOOOOOOOOOM

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • oooooohhhh. [     ] and i were thinking unrequited love but i was focusing on the chick. everything’s so clear now!!!!

      7 hours ago · Like
    • well what’s [     ]’s explanation for the cake jump?

      7 hours ago · Like
    • that’s stephanie seymour or some shit, whichever model. and i think he really did punch her in the face a couple times. but slash is axl’s real unrequited love.

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • i only acknowledge the supermodels in the “Freedom” video.

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • they are really moody for being so “on board” with wham’s message

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • oh yeah [     ]… why did that guy jump thru axyl’s wedding cake?

      7 hours ago · Like
    • i gotta rewatch and then i’ll tell you

      7 hours ago · Like
    • k but it’s 9 minutes long. fyi

      7 hours ago · Like
    • oh she knows

      7 hours ago · Unlike · 1
    • i used to watch this video obsessively. oh i know.

      7 hours ago · Like
    • now STFU so i can have my moment with Slash.

      7 hours ago · Like
    • first, 2:40, why is she ruining his time with his friends? why is she there? slash isn’t happy. so she is going to get punched later. second, 3:40 = the start of slash’s tantrum = apocalypse = bigger lesbian than [     ]. third, screen shot at 4:10. did you see how many people were in that church? at that wedding? how do they all fit in that tiny desert shanty chapel?

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • i have more… hang on

      7 hours ago · Like
    • WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING CAKE [     ] WHAT ABOUT THE CAKE

      7 hours ago · Like
    • waitttttttt, this is a whole fucking process

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • i’m getting there

      7 hours ago · Like
    • but there’s more!

      7 hours ago · Like
    • around 5:15 you see the bride looking all sad over her pronounced collarbone, she didn’t like shit being thrown at her while they left an entirely different location…because she is used to fists being thrown at her – trigger, ptsd, ask [     ], i don’t know. 5:38 = strategically placed ‘guns’ sign in whatever freaking town he is in since he can simultaneously be in the desert and LA. the ‘gun’ sign is foreshadowing that it is going to rain at this wedding, this wedding has a lot of smokers, it will ruin their cigarettes. bad things happen when famous, wealthy people don’t get what they want, thus. the man thrown through the cake.

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • ‎7:14 = sex! look at his little knee jig, look at his hair, look at how down he is with her being in a coffin. he doesn’t care about the cake? that man was just a pleb. a server. axl’s going to get emo and slash is going to gyrate on top of axl’s grief.

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • ‎* 8:54 = axl trying to emote because he knew the ‘gun’ shop, and the knife-licking, was premonition that a bitch was going to get cut in half, hence the coffin style – unless they wanted to bury her with a mirror so she could watch herself decompose. also, the wedding cake? she’s in all black, and slash is like, ‘that’s MY color and that’s MY ginger.’ again, abuse, but ask [     ].

      7 hours ago · Like · 1
    • also, every MFA student in fiction should be forced to watch this video at the beginning of workshop. each week.

      7 hours ago · Like
    • well thank god that’s settled.

      3 hours ago · Like

Guess what you get? Facebook thread! With more than four voices.

  • IT’S COMING THROUGH MY COMPUTER SCREEN

    18 hours ago · Like
  • ‎& I’M NOT EVEN WEARING 3D GLASSES

    18 hours ago · Like
  • NOW I’M WEARING 3D GLASSES & IT’S INSIDE ME

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • I just touched every doorknob in the neighborhood

    18 hours ago · Like
  • and by doorknob, i mean penis

    18 hours ago · Like
  • that’s cool, i don’t touch neighborhood penises

    18 hours ago · Like
  • fuck, yes i do

    18 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • [         ] is my whole neighborhood

    18 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • i hope this makes the “alt lit” tumblr,

    18 hours ago · Unlike · 3
  • You’ve touched neighborhood penises now, because that ET finger? Is in your head. And I live near fraternities.

    18 hours ago · Like
  • You and me both. I wish I had the ability to instantly upload whatever I wanted.

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • my hair is telling all of you something important, just so you know

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • i can’t see straight

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Is this 4D?

    18 hours ago · Like
  • B/c its well above 3D

    18 hours ago · Like
  • WHAT IS IT TELLING ME?

    18 hours ago · Like
  • eat some wonderbread, that always helps me because it is god’s food

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • i had a spring roll & it ain’t even spring

    18 hours ago · Like · 2
  • ^ gonna put that shit in a poem

    18 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • DO

    18 hours ago · Like
  • IT

    18 hours ago · Like
  • prophecies, guys. prophecies. I am Joab.

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • gonna call that poem “gonna put that shit in a poem”

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • i think they’re going to lock the doors when i get to [     ] then what will i do oh my oh no

    18 hours ago · Like
  • NoOOOOOOooo

    18 hours ago · Like
  • “Poem: Poem”

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • will there be a Q & A about you racially profiling markers?

    18 hours ago · Like · 2
  • ‎[     ]: i like that

    18 hours ago · Like · 1
  • everything fuzz

    18 hours ago · Like
  • TAKE IT. USE IT.

    18 hours ago · Like
  • End caps lock use.

    18 hours ago · Like
  •  [     ], it was a BATHROOM MARKER JESUS THAT IS SCARY WTF

    18 hours ago · Like
  • deep throat it next time, then you don’t have to worry about your hands

    18 hours ago · Like
  • oh god

    18 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • ‎& i scribbled my whole name: [     ]. like i could’ve just written [     ] which would’ve been less germs less time but no i wrote my whole name i am so dumb

    18 hours ago · Like
  • oh these pills

    18 hours ago · Like
  • Skimming all the comments the following pop out: “Bathroom Marker” “Deep throat” “wash hands” and “oh god”

    18 hours ago · Unlike · 2

    Like
  • I happen to really like everyone on this thread

    5 hours ago · Like
  • and I still love when [     ] says my full name…it means good things are happening, I swear

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • don’t insult me, [     ]

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • [     ]: why don’t yo touch my penis like a doorknob and shut the fuck up

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • wait, do we not know each other well enough for me to say that to you yet?

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • No, that was the perfect response. Someone says that to me at least once a day.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • This is what we call 4D discussion.

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • The fourth dimension of confusion.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • hahaha

    5 hours ago · Like
  • Man, I want to slap [     ] in face until she loves me…until the red shape of my hand on her face is the only thing she sees in the mirror…until she gives that shape a name and that name is “love”

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Love slaps. Nice.

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • This is like ‘Romancing the Stone.’

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • I have to go watch some more Billy Idol videos now.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Here, due to all this talk about slapping. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na45Nus6c00

    from Season 11 Episode 5 E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)
    5 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • this thread has changed my life

    5 hours ago · Like · 2
  • Me too, I am super hard and wearing a pig mask for some reason…and listening to the B-52’s

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Are you a mythological creature? I think you are. I think you are, [     ].

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • I just spoke backwards into your vagina with my mind. Where I am from that means we are married.

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • This is sort of like those caution videos against rock music: you know, where they say if you play the record in reverse you hear the devil? So we are in a satanic union. It is intense.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • btw…where i am from, that means we are married AND family.

    5 hours ago · Like
  • It is, I like it.

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • Skim reading this thread resulted in misreading the following: “super hard” “talking” and “vagina.”

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • Put those three together and we have ourselves the next great b-movie monster: a Super Hard Talking Vagina. Okay….

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • no no, this is a good idea, [     ]. Production should start right away. [     ] gets to be the talking vagina.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • We need expert costume designers pronto.

    5 hours ago · Like
  •  ‎[     ]’s job.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Alright. We have a guy to sculpt the talking vagina.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • the blind woman in the lionel richie video – “Hello”

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • she’s really talented

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_ILDFp5DGA

    The music video for Lionel Richie’s “Hello” directed by Bob Giraldi, attracts at…See More
    5 hours ago · Like
  • Oh man, had to go watch the video to remember.

    5 hours ago · Like
  • If anyone broke out into song like that in modern day 2012, no one would do anything

    5 hours ago · Like
  • Half would record him with their phones

    5 hours ago · Like
  • I know! I was going to post it because he is so creepy. But really, she’s just a genius.

    5 hours ago · Like · 1
  • other half would leave. one dumb guy would slap him. And here we are, back into talking about slapping.

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • THis video confirms that Richie is THE epitome of creeper.

    5 hours ago · Unlike · 2
  • I was born a talking vagina but will die a beautiful phoenix

    3 hours ago · Unlike · 1

That would have been the best thing to ever happen in association with Facebook.


Sometimes, I just need to stop and think before I post

especially on facebook

person of origin: I can’t find my pants! #whitepeopleproblems

me ruining a thread: can’t find my hymen #whitepeopleproblems


why?


Do you know Facebook

Okay Facebook: I’ve divided everyone up into categories based on states I’ve lived in and schools I’ve attended. This helps because we moved around a lot and I went to a lot of schools / colleges since I’m a ramblin’ man.

It is also beneficial because I don’t have to deny people and get angry messages; instead I put them in a labeled area and rarely check it.

BUT WHEN I DO: Why are the most racist, sexist, bigots the ones who also post daily quotes from Jesus? And it is not just my folder from Georgia or Alabama – I have to include New Jersey in here too. If I make a comment or point something out, someone will get extremely offended and say something disgusting followed by the gospel, so I’m kind of like:

And I am so sorry – I didn’t save this gif with the source name (I usually do that, don’t angerball me).


Social Networking

I like to post I am going on vacation with the hopes that some “friend” (or whatever you call it on Facebook) will try to rob my house. Then, I’ll invite them in and act like nothing is awkward. At all.